lost presence

When two people break up, everyone always say it's the hardest near the beginning because everywhere you go everywhere you look everything reminds you of them.

Yesterday I went to the gym and just walking into the gym made me miss her so much because we use to come here together and after working out I would take the subway with her. Those were my highlights on tuesdays and thursdays. I found myself constantly looking over the the elliptical machine and thinking of just having a moment where I can see her there running and seeing how beautiful she looks. I use to walk over once in awhile just to say hey because i miss her knowing that shes there at the gym but on the elliptical while i would be by the weights.

Life just seems so different without her here. I woke up extra early yesterday to hop on the train and hope to catch her going to work as well. As if everything aligned perfectly, I really did catch her at 36th street and couldnt help myself by say hi and wanted to take her to work. She was amazing. I missed seeing her face, i missed talking to her, i missed asking her how she was doing. But i ended up ruining something so perfect and she told me that she was uncomfortable being there and that she asked for space and I didnt respect that, instead I basically cornered her to talk to her. I felt so terrible hearing those things but at the same time i was just so happy to see her again.

She means so much to me, why did i have to ruin something so special. Some one so special deserves the best. Someone so special deserves to be chased nonstop without pause even after you two are together and everything seems to be okay. Why didnt I do that for her. I love her so much that I've always wanted to constantly chase her and make her feel special.

Food has lost all taste, everything seem so hard to swallow. Every place i go eat with friends makes me think how much i would rather eat with her. To spend time with her. To tell her i miss her and that I'm so happy with her. Even if the whole world tells me to move on and time heals all. I'm still the stubborn person i was when i first chased her. Because I deep down have figured out a long time ago, that she is one person that if i let go, i will not find another as special as her.