Stuck between a rock and a hard place

Another night, another dream.

So i've come to the conclusion that as stubborn as i am to not take any advice. One thing i must do is to stop bothering her. If she is that important to me, the last thing i want is to drive her away even further. It's going to be hard because when someone is that important to you, you cant do what you want anymore because what you want might be to never let them go and always be in their life. But what they want is some space. Whether that space means to further reflect on our relationship or whether it is definitely finalize and she just doesnt want us to ever happen again, the best thing i can do for both situations is to just stay back. If what she wants is for me to respect her decision, I must drop what i want.

This morning I had another vivid dream of us together. It was so great that i didnt want to wake up. I woke up for a second and looked at the clock and saw that it was 7:00am and i didnt even set my alarm. So i set it for an hour later and went back to sleep hoping for the same dream to continue. And luckily it does and it seemed like such a long and happy dream. When the alarm rang, I quickly snoozed and usually the dream would have been over and i would just lay there until my body can get up, but this morning was different. The snooze was pressed and the dream continued. 9 minutes later the alarm went off again, the snooze was pressed, and once again, the dream was able to go on. It was wonderful how happy i was in the dream but when i finally wake up. I know reality is upon me and i am without her once again.

I dont know how long this will continue. I dont even know how long it will be before i can move on. Do i even want to move on? I'm so sick of watching all these sad videos especially wong fu productions "stranger again" which fits so well in our situation. But i dont want to follow how the world is suppose to turn. I want to make changes. I want to be different from all other relationships. I want us to make it through the end. I want us.